Best by?

This week, while I was packing up my pantry getting ready to move, I had the disturbing experience of noticing how many items in my kitchen cabinet were past their “Best by…” date.  The record was a can dated 2008.  Even the items I swear I remember purchasing just a few months ago were already beyond their expiration dates.

This jolt of how variable time is made me wonder about the personal deadlines we often arbitrarily set for ourselves.  For example, why do we make resolutions at New Years, just after we’ve seen the people who matter most to us?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to resolve to be our best before we spend time with family and friends through the holiday season?  Unlike a can of beets or a prescription for the dog’s earache of five years ago, there is always something we can do to keep ourselves current, relevant, and continually improving.  And what could better test our resolution than our behavior shared in confined quarters with people who know how to push all of our buttons while we’re loaded with sugar and lacking sleep and personal space? Having control over our own "Best by..." dates gives us the opportunity to adjust our resolutions as we continually reimagine what our "best" self can really be.

As you prepare for the holidays, try seeing yourself through the eyes of those with whom you will be celebrating and spending time.  Make it your goal to have them believe that you are at your best and getting better. 

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday—not yet commercialized, non-religious, and non-war related.  It is a time for stopping and appreciating the many blessings you have.  It’s a time for sharing the company of good people.  It’s about gathering to share a bountiful meal.  Who among us doesn’t have happy childhood memories of Thanksgiving smells, tastes, and gatherings filled with stories and laughter?

It’s in our nature to want to belong to some group. Tribes and ethnic groups around the world are still fighting today to hold onto their identities and territories.  Thanksgiving provides us a chance to appreciate all we have, including a sense of belonging to something larger than ourselves—whether it’s a traditional family, a group of friends, a community, or a global connection to others everywhere.  This photo from a gathering this week illustrates the varied and loved groups for which I’m grateful.  It’s a gathering of car/dog/beer lovers at Hal’s garage in Old Town Alexandria.  Many of us are wearing “college” sweatshirts a-la-Belushi, while my dog Elvis is sporting one that says, “collie,” since that’s what his dna test results indicated.  I guess even Elvis is grateful this Thanksgiving for belonging to the garage gang and the collie breed.

I hope you find quiet moments this Thanksgiving to count your blessings and share moments of communion with others.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Holiday Anticipation & Preparation

Are you looking forward to the holidays?

What other things are you looking forward to?  

Many years ago, I sat next to a priest on a flight.  We got chatting and I’ll never forget something he told me, “To be happy, people need something to look forward to, something meaningful to do, and someone to care about.”  It’s easy for many of us to become caught up with reacting to the high-speed challenges life and work throw at us, especially during the busy holiday season sprinkled with deadlines.  We can lose sight of these three essential elements to a rich and rewarding life.  

Many organizations are also reactive—their leaders fail to build commitment to shared goals, define and reward members’ contributions, and create a caring, results-driven culture. They never achieve their potential because they fail to follow the simple formula shared with me all those years ago.  The steps organizational leaders can take to achieve these three elements are at the core of our work with organizations that want to improve.

As I saw Alexandria’s Christmas trees being unloaded and set up in front of our city hall this morning, I was inspired to set some goals for the holiday season that build into my holidays the 3 elements the priest identified.  I will look for ways not to be swept up by the superficiality and consumerism being pushed upon us.  I will find meaningful ways to mark the holidays—and do so with people I love.  I will plan with loved ones special moments we can look forward to.

How about you?  What steps can you take to make sure your holidays are filled with meaningful activities, shared with people you care about while giving you things to genuinely look forward to?  By planning ahead now, you can ensure a happier holiday season for yourself and those you love.

"Anti-social" media

Are you on Facebook?  How often to do you tweet or post to Instagram?  Do you have your phone on the table while you eat dinner?  Do you keep it within reach while you watch a movie together with your spouse?  When did you last spend time in a waiting room without your phone or tablet?    

I have built my life's work on the concept that connectedness is everything.  Connecting with others creates an authentic experience that enables us to appreciate and understand others and vice versa.  Our connections lay the groundwork for the relationships that enrichen our lives so that we can continue to learn, grow, and share with each other. And these personal connections are essential because they ultimately provide the building blocks to healthy families, strong communities and productive organizations. 

Yet, while social media and technology provide ample opportunities for connecting with friends (and strangers) in an online context, I completely agree that there is a tipping point in their usefulness.  After watching the video I've posted below, I realized how important it is for all of us to acknowledge the tipping point and help each other stay away from it.  Think of the lost opportunities in unexpected places like waiting rooms when we stare into our phones instead of starting a conversation with a fellow patient who may offer us advice or a reassuring story.  Think of how your children may misinterpret your level of excitement and appreciation of them during a school play when they see your phone's video blink staring at them instead of your reassuring smiling face.  Isn't it amazing how 161 "happy birthday" posts on your Facebook wall don't hold a candle to one friend stopping by to share a glass of wine on your birthday?

So take a moment to consider this message, delivered below in a different voice from mine, but with the same idea that connectedness is everything.  When you get a chance, let me know whether you agree and send me any examples of when technology was used as more of an anti-social than social tool.

BOOOO! The Value of Rituals

Rituals are ceremonies carried on by groups of people who follow specific behaviors together, uniting them for some purpose—usually to one another as participants in the ritual as well as to the “purpose” or culture of the ceremony.  Religious groups have historically littered their paths with rituals for all sorts of reasons.  Ethnic groups often have rituals they observe.  Families also develop rituals that have meaning (or not) for participants.  My childhood was packed with rituals my parents created and which we practiced with seriousness and sincerity.  The first cold night of the fall would mean we’d build a fire in the fireplace, place in it potatoes to be burnt to a crisp (although I doubt that was my parents’ intention), which we ate while my dad told stories about made-up creatures that thrived on tickling little kids.  When we had a special occasion, we’d share a single artichoke by candlelight.  To this day, I find artichokes quite out of place without candlelight. Do you recall rituals of your own childhood?  What purpose did they serve in your family?

Communities can also create rituals.  In the years that I’ve lived in Old Town Alexandria, I’ve watched a series of Halloween-related rituals burgeon.  Almost every house has some form of decoration—far more now for Halloween than for Christmas, as I experienced as a child.  We have a day of trick-or-treating from one shop to another down our main street.  We have one famous street that is mobbed with people in costume—and which has received so much press that locals don’t even think of attending anymore.  And, of course, we have a dog Halloween costume contest—the highlight of this holiday’s rituals for dog owners and dog lovers—as well as people watchers. 

Rituals play an important and positive part of holding a group of people together if they are authentic and participation is voluntary.  Organizational rituals focused around birthday celebrations, promotions, babies, and departures can build connections—or they can build resentment or cynicism, depending on how healthy the organization’s culture is.  If people trust and respect one another and don’t feel coerced into putting on happy faces for such events, organizational and team rituals can build a sense of camaraderie.  If the core culture is unhealthy, rituals will not heal it.  What are your organizational and team rituals?  Do they accomplish the intended bonding?  Or are they evidence of how wrong things are?  Can you use them to help build a culture that is more open and collaborative?  Rituals should be organic and positive, less about form (burnt potatoes) and more about substance (consistency).  See what you can do to invent some.  After all, it's the perfect time of year to notice rituals all around.

Together Again

Several years after helping the AAACN Board design a strategic plan, I had the opportunity to revisit them in order to facilitate a conversation about how to prioritize the many opportunities they now have as a result of the success of that plan.  It was a productive session and I was grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with the group.

Below is a photo taken at the AJJ Headquarters in Pittman, NJ with board and staff members.

 

Curiosity and My New Friend Ray

Those who know me say I often insist that curiosity is the most under-appreciated emotion.  I am going to say it again.  Curiosity transforms you from apathy, judgment, or a sense that you know it all to a positive sense of wonder.  Here is today’s case in point:  The clerk at the West Marine store where I shop for boating stuff has a beautiful, deep voice. His name tag said his name is RAY.  I asked Ray about his resonant bass voice, and what I learned this afternoon on a simple errand was fascinating. 

My clerk, Ray, was the first African American to sing at the original Grand Ole Opry.  He and his group were not on the schedule, and why should they be—no black Americans had ever been allowed to sing on stage back in the early ‘60s.  Minnie Pearl (anyone remember her hats?) heard him singing and insisted they go up on stage and sing—which they did, to a very appreciative audience.  And thus another barrier was broken. And I would have missed knowing something very special about my salesman Ray if I had not been curious enough to ask a simple question.  Everyone has a story.  Before the day’s out, connect with someone new and ask about his or hers.